


He's Your Son

by leocastellano



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 22:16:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leocastellano/pseuds/leocastellano
Summary: Leo has been suspended from pre-school again and Mindy and Danny must think of a suitable punishment.(This is 100% just an excuse for blatant co-parenting fluff.)





	He's Your Son

“Danny, this is serious,” Mindy said. “This is the third time Leo has been suspended from pre-school this year.”

  
“No, Min,” Danny said. “This is ridiculous. I mean, excessive hair pulling? Come on, what even is that?”

  
At one point in her life, Mindy may have found Danny’s argumentative and defensive nature charming. And she still adored the fact that Danny would do anything to protect their son - be it from mythical monsters under the bed he’d slain to the bogus regulations of Leo's elite Quaker pre-school that he'd fought- but she didn’t quite adore being called out of an emergency cesarean section just to listen to a monologue about a man with no legs once again. It was all very sweet in theory, but her exasperation and her exhaustion made the appeal of it wane quite a bit. She barely even had the energy to argue with him, she just threw up her hands. 

  
“Don’t look at me! It’s all in his Castellano genes,” Mindy exclaimed. “No matter how many Mommy and Me fashion seminars I sign him up for to help him curate an eclectic and defined sense of self, he just ends up acting exactly like you.”

 

Danny scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

  
  
“Oh come on. Are you joking?” Mindy laughed. “The biting? The butt pinching? The hair pulling? Those are like your three biggest kinks. He’s so your son.”

 

“What? Absolutely not," Danny countered. "And why's he only my son when he gets suspended from school?”

  
“You do have to admit it sounds a lot like you. If you don’t believe me, just ask my scalp.” Mindy stage-whispered, even though there was no one else in the room.

  
In fact, it was just the two of them in the kitchen since they’d sent Leo up to his room while they attempted to determine his punishment. Each was occupying their own side of the kitchen island. Mindy was on one side, tinkering with the coffee pot, attempting to make good on the cup she’d promised him when he’d complained of a headache on the way out of the principal’s office. If only she could find a single clean spoon in her kitchen, she’d be good to go. So far, no such luck. Danny was on the other side, leaning slightly against the structure, one hand fiddling with the zipper on his jacket as his exasperation grew. He abandoned the zipper and rolled his shoulders back to release the ever increasing tension in his neck. 

 

“Okay.” Danny acquiesced. “And when exactly is he your son?”

  
  
Mindy smiled dreamily. “He’s my son when he’s getting mistaken for a model.”

 

Danny rolled his eyes. “He’s never been mistaken for a model.”

  
“Yes, he has.” Mindy vigorously insisted as she migrated towards the pile of dirty dishes on the counter. She procured a spoon from the pile and aggressively rinsed it as her voice crescendoed. “Don’t you remember when donutfan57 commented on my Instagram pictures that Leo looked just like the Gerber baby? I mean, if the Gerber baby was cute. If you ask me, Leo is much cuter.”

 

“Min, you are donutfan57.”

 

Mindy faced him once again and began to scoop the grinds with her newly minted spoon. She jabbed the spoon in his direction when she finished dumping the substance into the pot and some of the residue blew into his face.

 

“You have no proof of that,” She exclaimed.

  
“Well, whenever you used to take pictures of me in the shower, you’d post them on an account called donutfan69,” He said. “There seems to be some sort of correlation there if you ask me. 57? 69? Only twelve digits apart.”

 

“That proof is flimsy as hell and you know it. It wouldn’t hold up in a court of law,” Mindy said, “And I should know. I’ve been on trial for lewd behavior nine times.”

  
“Yes, you have,” Danny shook his head.

 

“See? No proof.” Mindy smiled wickedly. “And even if I did run that account, and I’m not saying that I do, at least I would be putting in the work to make our son a celebrity. A crucial part of fame in the post _Hunger Games_ generation is using social media to brand yourself as an invaluable commodity while also exuding accessibility. You need to create demand. That’s why you hype. If anything donutfan57 is providing us with a service. What are you doing to provide for our son?”

  
“Paying for his education?” Danny questioned. “You do realize you’re talking about our son as if he’s a product?”

 

Mindy pressed a button on the base of the coffee machine and it begins to whir. She sighed exasperatedly.

 

“You just don’t get it,” She huffed, flipping her hair. “And it seems totally unfair that after Leo and I do all this heavy lifting that you’ll get to reaps the benefits and retire early when he books a Disney Channel Original Movie by age eight.”

  
Danny pressed his fingers against his temple. This woman was infuriating. Ludicrous. Impossible even.

 

“Dream big, Lahiri."

  
   
“I will," Mindy smirked. "Thank you very much.”

  
The room was quiet for a moment then, as the coffee machine’s sputtering and puttering began to slow to a halt while Mindy scrambled to reach the mugs she kept on her highest shelf. Sure, it was fine for her to use Leo’s retired sippy cups to hold her coffee most mornings, they were the perfect to go mug after all, but she wanted to take care of Danny. She knew it wasn’t necessarily her job to do so anymore, but she wanted to. She decided not to think too much on the implications of such an impulse. She poured the mug to the brim, jauntily placed it on a saucer, and slid it across the island to him. He readily accepted.

  
“Thanks,” He murmured and brought the cup to his lips. 

Mindy let the warm liquid press against her lips and still her frazzled nerves. She put the cup down. No more time for small talk. Minimal time for coffee enjoyment. It was time to come up with Leo’s punishment.

 

“Danny, seriously, what are we going to do?” She asked. “We can’t just keep sending him up to his room to think about it and expect him to turn into a passive little Quaker. It’s just not in his nature, especially after I’ve spent all these years teaching him to throw a tantrum when someone offers him Oatmeal for breakfast. He knows he’s worth bacon.”  
  


“I don’t think the singular desire for bacon is the exact essence of a Quaker.” 

 

Mindy ignored him.

 

“I don’t even know how to begin to ground him,” She admitted. “He’s such a little angel. I mean, besides when he’s physically attacking his classmates. And who could blame him honestly? Those little bitches? So rude.”  
  


Danny crossed his arms.  
  


“I agree with you!” He said. “That little Sally Monterroso? She’s always telling me I'd be much less ugly if I wasn't so sweaty."

 

"Well, I can't really blame her for that. She's kind of right." Mindy shrugged. "But honestly? I do see why Leo pulled her hair. She's the worst and her outfits always clash. Sucks that we have to punish him regardless."

 

"Yeah."

  
  
"I guess we can do the old standby." Mindy proposed. "No Dora for a week?"

  
"No, we've tried that," Danny said dejectedly. "It doesn't work anymore. He's moved on from Dora. If anything, we'd just be punishing ourselves."

  
"God, such a shame," Mindy said wistfully. "I really do miss those mysteries. Almost as good as _Gone Girl._ "

 

Danny decided to up the ante. "Maybe no Entourage for a week?"

  
  
"What? Are you crazy?" Mindy gasped. "That’s the only thing that puts him to sleep sometimes. He goes to sleep that like that! Like that he goes to sleep!" She snapped her fingers incessantly to accentuate her point. 

 

“You’re right. Stupid idea.”

  
“Thank you. I know I’m right. ” Mindy sniffed. “Oh. Maybe no desserts for a week?”

 

“Why would you reward bad behavior with the gift of starting a habit that will lead to a life of healthy eating?" Danny asked, incredulously. "How is that a punishment?”

 

“Eww, barf. You’re the only person in the world who would see no dessert for a week as a reward,” Mindy said and stuck out her tongue to punctuate her disgust with Danny’s disturbing need to be healthy. “I forgot that you’re basically a robot built by Michelle Obama and Mayor Diblasio to tell us what we and can’t put in our bodies. You know what, buddy? This is America. Land of the free, home of the brave. And I can do whatever I want when I want to. I can eat fifteen cupcakes a day and keep a gun in my freezer. That’s my right.”

  
She proudly swung open the door of her freezer to showcase her most prized possession, her gun, to him.  And it would have been a highly effective gesture, provided that Mindy had cared to notice that the gun wasn’t amongst the ice trays and teeming piles of ice cream sandwiches she had stockpiled.

  
“Uh, Min,” Danny cleared his throat. “The gun isn’t in the freezer.” 

  
“Oh damn it.” Mindy shook her head. “I must have left it behind the toilet again. I really need to stop my late night polishing sessions.”

  
Mindy slammed the door of the freezer and returned to her former perch on the counter.

  
“You know what?” Danny mused, a sneaky grin consuming his face. “On second thought, this place is a nuthouse. I think Leo having to live here is punishment enough.”

  
Mindy’s jaw dropped in mock horror and she tossed a dirty dishrag at his face. “Haha, very funny, Danny.”

  
“I might actually have an idea though,” Danny said as he picked up his mug and took a languid sip. Mindy mimicked his action and cradled her mug in her hands, enjoying the feeling of heat radiating into her palms. Her eyebrows piqued in interest.

  
“Oh, now we’re talking. What did you have in mind?”

 

"Do you get Jeremy’s newsletter?" Danny asked. 

  
“Jer’s Corner?” Mindy groaned. “Yeah, I do. It’s the only paper I ever recycle, I like to allow my candy wrappers to languish in the trash can with dignity.”

  
“Yeah. Well, he was advertising etiquette lessons, free for friends and family. I think we should take him up on it.” Danny shrugged his shoulders. “He can extol the virtues of not grabbing a little girl’s pigtails on the playground and maybe he'll teach him how to set a table. It’s a win-win situation for us.”

  
Mindy scrunched up her face.

 

“Etiquette lessons? As in plural?” She questioned. “I don’t know, Danny. That seems like cruel and unusual punishment. Is that even legal? Can’t we just make him go to one of Jeremy’s plays or make him listen to Jody tell a story? That’s punishment enough.”

 

“I think this our best option, Min. I mean, think about it,” Danny shrugged. “Jeremy’s plays are always torturous, sure, I’ll give you that.  But you’d probably make up one of your funny hashbags -"

  
“Hashtags,” Mindy corrected.

  
“Hashtags, right.” Danny stopped to apply her correction. “And Leo would think it was hilarious.”

 

“You’re right,” Mindy sighed. “My gift for comedy would truly damper the disciplinary nature of the outing.”

  
Danny rapped his knuckles against the countertop to emphasize the logic of his proposed course of disciplinary action before he lost momentum or Mindy’s often fleeting attention. “Exactly! And now imagine, if you were four years old and Jeremy gave you a twenty-minute monologue on fork placement, wouldn’t you feel punished?”

  
“What do you mean four?” Mindy moaned. “I’m 24 and I’d blow my brains out.” 

  
“See?” Danny said. “Effective.”

  
“Yeah, you’re right,” Mindy agreed. “I guess I can call him later.”

  
“There we go,” Danny smiled. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  
“No, it wasn’t,” Mindy beamed. “I think we’re getting like really good at this whole co-parenting thing.”

 

“That we are.”

  
Mindy raised her mug. “Cheers to us, Castellano.”

  
  
“I’ll drink to that.” Danny smiled.

  
They clinked their mugs together and smiled shyly at one another. There was something so intimate about it that made Mindy feel like she might start to blush. She’d somehow forgotten how special it was to feel like she was part of a team. And how especially special it was to be a part of Danny’s team. She would have been caught staring, perhaps for just a bit too long, if it hadn’t been for the sound of the pitter patter of little feet on the floor racing towards the stairs that interrupted their reverie. 

 

Mindy and Danny shared a knowing look. _Their son. Oh, their son._

  
Leo began to descend the stairs just then but was startled by his mother’s voice.

  
“Leo, sweetie, you’re grounded,” Mindy said, gesticulating towards upstairs, “You need to go back to your room. Daddy and I are still working out the details of your punishment.”

 

Leo stopped his downward climb and whined. “Mommy, I can’t go to back to my room. It’s so boring in there, I might die.” He then proceeded to collapse dramatically on the steps for added effect. 

  
Danny smirked. “See? This is right now? Now, he’s your son.”

  
  
Mindy tossed up her hands in exasperation.

 


End file.
